I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
He passed out mid-signature
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
