1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
