I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
