I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
