Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
We are all done wearing pants today
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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