The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
And my parents said I crawled through the house
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize