OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
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