Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
