So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
