i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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