he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
