We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
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