Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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