so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
