so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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