Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
