the new term for farting is butt boxing.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I fill condoms, not promises.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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