ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
