hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
