the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
