yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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