i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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