Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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