My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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