dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
