You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
