i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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