She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize