you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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