This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
