Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
