I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
