hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
