where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
