I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
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