You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
