Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Pooping to opera.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
