i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
