After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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