my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize