Umm I'm too high to move.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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