It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
whose ass print is on the piano?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
