I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
