Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I see more hoeing in ur future
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