Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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