Whod you bang
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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