some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
