My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
