He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
