I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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