I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
