well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
my being single is dangerous.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize