Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
im holly from the hills drunk
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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