so explain again why im purple
no
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i wish my penis had a tongue
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
