is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
