he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Randomize
