He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
