those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
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