my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
