Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
