guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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