remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
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