I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
