I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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