im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
