i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
