As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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