nutella sex= disaster
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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