I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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