I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
