she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
