so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
