It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
