last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
