I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
