so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
North Korea, Best Korea!
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
