like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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