I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize