our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize