i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
