I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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