I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
