Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
