Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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