Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
