Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just saw a hot homeless man
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize