Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
