I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
