roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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