return my video game
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Hippo gnu deer
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
