just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
