i already hear my dad disowning me
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
