I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
