a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize