Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
