People in love make me want to vomit
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
