Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
