my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just forgot I was standing up.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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