I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
