You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You were trust falling into bushes
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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