but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
