so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
