That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize